Rock Beats Scissors, But Beer Beats Everything!

source

Like that guy said, “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.” That’s the “responsible adult” thing right? Wrong! Screw lemonade, just like, give me a beer, man!

Yeah that’s right, and especially when I’m having an epically crappy day (and I don’t mean having a bad hair day either). I mean the kind of day when even the best thought out schemes of men and mice seem to go ass-ways and you get the feeling of your life being utterly de-f’n-railed.

Like many, I have moved on mentally from sitting in protest with a sign which reads "I’m Pissed Off” - not that I’m not pissed off, and not that high-visibility activism doesn't serve its purpose, it’s just that throwing tantrums is not my style. Besides, I’m in college and just don’t have the time.

If you just happened to be wondering how to loosen your train of thought, here’s what you do to bring some Zen back into your life.... A slippery tub, a steady stream of warm water, and limited room makes the shower an ideal place to get a chock full of good karma. The effectiveness of which is two-fold when beer is added to the equation.

This deceptively simple technique of re-arranging the mental furniture is far better than doing hard drugs or abusing soft drugs, which will inevitably push you into a mucky pond that is devoid of clarity. And while it’s fine to take a holiday there sometimes, (or, so I’m told), you really wouldn't want to live there. At best, being in that sort of limp state will only make you incapable of grasping hold of your thoughts properly. It will almost certainly lead you to drop those thoughts on the floor, tread on them while you try to grab hold and in most cases, will even lead you to throw up on them in the process.

Besides there’s always a time to march neath a banner like other socially conscious amigos, but mostly, changing the world, or your own sorry-state is all about low-key contemplation and making conscientious choices. The former can be achieved in the shower (with a cold beer), the latter, well, just stop scratching your nads and get off the damn sofa (loaf and learn, man!) So, fret not, for the golden plane, which is your life isn’t going to crash into the goddamn mountain any time soon. In the end, college life is all about strikes and gutters, and getting your rug peed on. When your plans seem to have come to a grinding halt like a stone in a friggin riverbed, you can tell the lemons to go fuck themselves, get a beer, and chug that beer down…in the shower.